WorldofViolets's Xanga

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 04:05:37 GMT

My aunt just called to tell me my 9 month old cousin Sage died tonite. he drowned.

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!

why does everything I touch DIE.

I NEED a hug.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 22:30:20 GMT

This journal is officially dead. I have a new journal, If you want the link comment and give me a reason why I should add you.

Im not going to tell you about my life to entertain you, you have to care.

Speaking of. Theres such a circle of lies in my family its enough to make you purge. without you voluntarily doing it.

So if you care about what happens in my life and I care about you. maybe Ill add you.

``````````DEAD JOURNAL```````````````````

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 17:08:41 GMT

His birthday is in two days.

We had no time to say goodbye. how can the world just carry on?

I feel so lost when your not by my side. and there is nothing but silence now, around the one I love.

I'm going on hiatus as of now, I shall be back when something remotelty wonderful happens.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 22:53:37 GMT

Well what do you know. Im back and updating. I havnt done crap since I got back sunday.

just the usual church church and well CHURCH! sadly thats my life. go to church go to school. Im just looking forward to seeing and hanging out with Brit. I guess Kyle and Brandon are friends again and from what I hear from Brit Kyles cool now and his hair is as long as girards from My chemical Romance.

Hm. I made a two new friends at school one is Katrina the other is Lisa. I met them cuz I was wearing my Tiger Army shirt and they were like oh I love tiger army nick 13 is so hot. I just agreed and said yes the bands great but nick 13 doens't do anything for me. then I found out Lisa hates AFI but whatever cuz I dont care for most of the bands she likes. Katrina likes both so shes extra rad. katrina asked me if it was true that Nick 13 showed up at Street Scene and I told her yes and now that I think back on it why the hell didnt I take a picture. I dont think me mia or Brit did. whatever it was like wtf nick? or should I say Kearny? haha.

bio is actually getting fun Im sad b/c next year when I go back to school I have all AP classes. god Im really considering changing my mind. but I want to get into a good college.

I guess Kat will give me a ride to the Tiger Army shows in may so thats pretty rad. I dont think the Collide show is an option anymore their playing at an 18 and over. damn it sucks to not be 18. and damn it sucks I cant see them.

I guess that is all for about now. Oh god I saw Bri on thurs I dont know what happened to her face but it looked so screwed up. ugh. thank god I dont look like her.

talk to you later guys.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 19:34:23 GMT

Well we missed the appearance of Davey's new movie, no suprise there. oh well I've met them all already so no biggy.

however that doesnt mean we wont go see Daveys new movie that is only showing in one fucking city. what SHIT! I have to drive a goddamn hour just to see my honey.

speaking of driving. the drive home yesterday was just brutal I will never drive out of the country again! I did have fun though.

I'm pretty sure Brit and I will make it to the Collide show so all is well.

I realized how much I hate Mexico and how much I hate McDonalds and how much I love Jenny, Charlene, Rachel, and Briana this weekend. God its so great to have friends with a fucking car. Jesus I get my Jetta in Sept. so until then Alex is Car-less. I just got paid this week so new cds are on the way and tickets for shows are being bought. Holy hell I didn't realize how cheap tickets are.

Hm, I was daydreaming all day yesterday and seemingly out of nowhere I got this deja vu of me in 8th grade in mr waggets class daydreaming of the same fucking thing I was thinking of that moment! it tripped me out!

my school year ends in three days yes my dolls Alexs summer starts the 8th and keeps gong till august so I get back that summer I blew last year.

Toms b-day is coming up I'm really trying not to think of the downside of it. my parents think there is something wrong with me (even more then usual) because I guess I show no remorse for anything or one I cross paths with. god I havn't even cried over Tom in a long time and me being in a certain aspect "frozen" is questionable to me wether its a good thing or not. dont get me wrong i still feel anger, hapiness, sadness, remorse, and everything else I just dont show it. You can look at me and not be able to tell if im pissed sad or overjoyed. I guess I put up a vice and its refusing to be broken I dont know how to go about showing my emotions. maybe its a breaking down process, maybe im changing, maybe im pmsing. who fucking knows.

I just feel like everything I touch either dies, or abandons. and its so much easier to go on pretending its how it is. even if you know the truth, even if its right in your face, even if you think about it every minute of every day every second of the godforsaken hour. just keep pretending. the vice will make you less susceptible to the things you want to pretend arn't really happening. Like your bestfriend dying or your inability to understand how you feel, your bitterness towards someone who stole your childhood, or someone who told you they'd be there that isnt, and maybe just maybe the doubt you feel when your sitting all alone at night, or the silence in your car as your friend drives you to a show, or the silent moments in the shower. when your seriously thinking to yourself "Did I really want this? Did I really want to let this happen? If I knew this would've came would I have allowed it? but deep down you truly know the answer.

No Alex, you didn't.

~~~

Time it took the most of me
And left me with no key
To unlock the chest of remedy
Mother, the pain ain`t hurting me
But the love that I feel
When you hold me near

The hopes were high
The choirs were vast
Now my dreams are left to live through you

Red Sun rising
Drown without inhaling
Within, the dark holds hard
Red Sun rising
Curtain falling
Higher than hope my cure lies

Passiontide
An angel by my side
But no Christ to end this war
To deliver my soul from the sword
Hope has shown me a scenery
Paradise poetry
With first snow I`ll be gone

The hopes were high...

Red Sun rising...

Your death saved me.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 03:25:06 GMT

There's a possibility I will be seeing AFI tommorow. Don't you love it when they make appearances.. movie ones perhaps?

Me an Brit are determined to see Collide the 14th WE WILL BE THERE DAMMIT!!! WE WILL.

other then that fuck you.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 01:23:49 GMT

ATTENTION DAVEY FANS!! I just found a picture that ive never seen before it has made my year, im sure it will make yours.

here is Davey bumping and grinding with another GUY too bad its not Jade.

anyway.. TADA!!

OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFOFMFOGM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMYLORDIE! its suddenly a thousand degrees in my pants!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 19:56:09 GMT

hmm new layout maybe?

I'm sick, ugh I hate being sick its such a waste of time! I went to Disneyland and California adventure tues/wed. I had so much fun!

personally I think california adventure sucks. their is only three good rides there and its tower of terror the roller coaster and some other ride that's better then supreme scream.

I'm making fun of myself because I sound like regan from the Exorcist. my throat is all clogged and I can't breathe!

I have a new cd on the way still not sure if I want theatre of tragedy, collide, or another within temptation cd. decisions decisions.

you know what I'm going to honor all my girls right now. I can only hope to be in their presence someday...

pull the curtain everyone.

the lovely Miss T.

Miss Brightman

miss scabbia.

miss Karin

miss Kristine.

miss Adel..

Here's a new song performed by miss Karin. enjoy the new layout/song.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 04:11:21 GMT

Dude I just got home from hanging out with Jenny, Taylor, Austin, and Jamal. OMG I havn't laughed so long in ages! We were trippin out thinking of random shit that would scare the crap out of you and we were busting out tongue twisters. I'm Laughing just thinking about it.

Hm I saw Bri today (the one I loathe) She was all looking at me and her friend Tom (Who asked me out more times then I want to remember) was all checking me out it was so gross! I was like yes take a look because its the closest your ever gonna get!

I'm done now. Im going to bury myself in a pile of homework!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 16:09:30 GMT

Who's driving? who's driving?

Thats right bitches Alex can drive now.

It was so funny Cid and I scared the shit out of ourselves last night, I don't know I guess I just had a severe case of paranoia or something.

On a brighter note, This weekend is the usual. I'm finally hanging out with Brit cuz god its been ages!

Sorry I havn't kept in touch with any of you I've been really busy lately.

Well its decided, after grad I'm moving to San Francisco. yes, yes, I know I still have a little under 2 years but It psyches me out everytime I think about it.

and on another note, not to be rude, but Some people (who shall remain nameless) having been emailing me and such, yes I know I'm a nice person but what you don't understand is, If I don't answer your emails. IM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU! Sorry If I come off as a bitch but I can't think of any other way to put it.

I'm a very intellectual person I actually care about my future, I want to make something of my life, I like talking with knowledgeable people, who actually care about themselves as well. instead of just living from party to party thinking oh yeah, I'm just never gonna go to college I'm gonna live with mommy forever and be a pitiful excuse for a person. Don't get me wrong partying is fun, but it gets old fast guys.

I'm so over the whole "Oh I need to be so dark" phase. I'm a lady, and I take care of myself. I can dress in an AFI shirt and then wear a dress tommorrow, because I don't fit into a cliche! Please don't talk to me if you can't talk like a human being and don't write me if everything you say is gonna be ya its kool cuz I c dat ur a good person. Your just wasting my time and it's sad you can't type.

I want friends who are compatible with what I like, my views, and opinions.

Speaking of friends, Mia I want my cd's back. Maybe I can swing by and pick them up or you can give them to Brit and I'll have her give you back your cure cd.

That's all my lovlies. and the song I leave you with today is one of my many favorites by Nightwish

Angels Fall First

An angelface smiles to me
Under a headline of tragedy
That smile used to give me warmth

Farewell - no words to say
beside the cross on your grave
and those forever burning candles

Needed elsewhere

to remind us of the shortness of our time
Tears laid for them
Tears of love, tears of fear
Bury my dreams, dig up my sorrows
Oh, Lord why
the angels fall first

Not relieved by thougts of Shangri-La
Nor enlightened by lessons of Christ
I'll never understand the meaning of the right
Ignorance lead me into the light

Sing me a song
of your beauty
of your kingdom
Let the melodies of your harps
caress those whom we still need

Yesterday we shook hands
My friend
Today a moonbeam lightens my path
My guardian

Tears of love, tears of fear
Bury my dreams, dig up my sorrows
Oh, Lord why
the angels fall first

An angelface smiles to me
Under a headline of tragedy ..